What Breast Cancer Has Taught Me

I never expected this. My life script, that I had so carefully crafted and was pretty darn sure I was sticking to, did not include this.

When the mammogram results showed abnormal cells in June of 2016… when the biopsy came back with the confirmation that I had breast cancer, I pretty much went into shock. And then the self -judgment and criticisms began:

How can this be? Why me? There is no history of breast cancer in my family. This isn’t fair. I won’t accept this. I’m living a bad dream. What if I don’t live to see my next grandchild born? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this? I’d better put all my plans on hold because I might not make it…

Oh yes. Every book and article I’ve read on cancer, (and I’ve read quite a few) whether the book given to me at the breast health clinic or an alternative health perspective…. They all say that to have those kinds of questions and thoughts is PERFECTLY NORMAL. At least that was reassuring!

But then, about three days after getting the news, I consciously chose to PIVOT. Pivot my mindset, my thoughts and self-talk. I chose to pivot from feeling like a victim, to feeling like a woman with choices.

I realized that wallowing in self-pity was, for me, a necessary step, but one that was better as a short-lived step. That only once I believed that I could actually shift how I choose to be in this world, would I be able to accept the cancer diagnosis and take some control. Control of my thoughts. Control of my questions. Control of my choices and options. Control of my manner of being with this new identity.

Did I just wake up one morning and say, “hey I think I’ll embrace this now”?

Not quite. I believe my pivot happened because I stayed open to messages coming to me from unexpected places and people. I reached out to friends and colleagues to share my news with them, and found that within a few days that list had tripled in size, all with folks who wanted to support me in whatever ways they could. Unexpected places and people, with perhaps an angel or two as well!

One year later and I am cancer free. And that feels amazingly wonderful. But the lessons learned through this experience are deep and varied and life changing. I got to experience choosing a new path, a different way of seeing my situation. A powerful thing indeed.