So What If I’m Selfish!
Hey, we all want to believe that we are caring, empathetic, compassionate folk. That we pay attention to what others think. Having these qualities makes the world a better place. Right?
But how about when we go overboard? When we make decisions for ourselves, based more on what others think than what our heart or our gut or our intuition is telling us?
As a coach, I have encountered many clients who ask the question “but what will other people think?”
It’s a difficult pattern to shift.
The word that most often comes up in those coaching conversations is “selfish”. My clients didn’t want to appear selfish and so they’d opt to buy into someone else’s opinion rather than be honest and go with what they want.
The world “selfish” is a complicated one. Often in our culture, it has a negative connotation. Only thinking of ourselves, putting our own needs before others. We were taught from a young age to not be selfish, to share, to put others first.
But “selfish” has an important flip side. And I believe that those of us that learn and practice the flip side have the potential for increased confidence and fulfillment.
Being selfish can mean allowing yourself to be front and center. To ask yourself the tough questions that deserve to be asked. To honor your own need for thinking time.
So when a client tells me they don’t want to be selfish, I often challenge them.
I ask them “What does being selfish look like to you?” and “What’s another word you might be more comfortable with that allows you to choose what you want rather than what you think someone else may want for you?”
Sure it’s important to be caring and compassionate.
Especially when it comes to being that way for ourselves!
“True care for others is only possible when I truly care for myself. When I find completeness in myself I will not need to be appreciated, applauded or recognized. Then I can truly care for others because I will not even need to serve – I will simply serve through my very being. Today let me care for myself. “